A MODEST TRIBUTE TO TOM LANDRY...

September 2006

Strolling down the boardwalk, thinking about Tom Landry. Even the most ardent Eagles’ fans would have to admit, the former Dallas Cowboys’ coach was a man of class and dignity. I had the pleasure of knowing him, albeit distantly, when I worked in Dallas media. I attended his weekly Tuesday press conferences during the football season, at the team’s headquarters known as "Valley Ranch."

Following the Q & A, lunch was served via buffet. One day I was scooping up some salad, and looked to see the legendary Landry behind me in line.

Pointing to one of the dressings, I asked the coach if he was aware it was actually "Hidden...Valley... Ranch... dressing." Hey, it got the man sometimes called "The Great Stoneface" to smile. One of the great memories of my life. Landry looked great on the sidelines, always wearing his trademark fedora. A coach couldn’t do that nowadays if he wanted to, what with all the electronic headsets connecting them to assistants viewing the games from up in the press boxes.

The hats were a fixture on male heads in past days, but by the 80's, Coach Landry was about the only one left wearing one at all. I think it’s kinda sad they died away. Especially when you consider that ties continue their... stranglehold.. .around men’s necks. Has anyone ever felt the tie served any purpose of any import? And yet, they seem to be a must for the businessman to wear, else apparently we’d think less of him. On the other hand, a fashion accessory I’d like to see brought back is the...cape. What happened that caused the demise of the cape in the general population? I mean, if it’s good enough for our super heroes... Why relegate them just to Superman, Batman, and Robin? Opera singers are among the few. And certainly no Dracula would be complete without a snazzy black number. I say let’s demand retailers start selling capes, scrap the ties, and bring back the fedoras!

The Ballad of Zulima and Hamlet...

Last month I wrote about the saga of Zulima and Hamlet. Zulima Farber was the New Jersey Attorney General who rushed to the aid of her boyfriend, Hamlet Goore. He was stopped by police in Fairview, NJ. Driving an unregistered vehicle. Two tickets were written, and a tow truck had been summoned.

Farber claimed she did nothing to influence the officers, and yet the tow truck was canceled, and the tickets were never issued. An ethics investigation ruled she did use her powers to get Goore special treatment. Hours after that report was announced, she made an announcement of her own, resigning the most powerful law enforcement office in the state. Shouldn’t someone write a song about this whole story? Love bringing down an Attorney General? There’s money to be made – The Ballad of Zulima and Hamlet... If not a song, certainly a TV movie.

Defendant tries to have court case moved 2000 miles...

Speaking of justice, we’ve all heard the term "change of venue" used in court cases. Usually it applies when a judge feels a crime got so much publicity in the community, it would not allow the jury to be unbiased. So the case is moved to another city. But here’s a new reason to request a change of venue. The former CEO of Qwest Communication, Joe Nacchio, is facing a trial, in Denver, for 42 counts of insider trading, accused of selling $101,000,000 worth of stock.

His lawyers requested a change of venue to...New Jersey. Sure, their motion mentioned the negative pub angle. But also, Nacchio is from Mendham, NJ. Where his wife and children live. Likely in a very nice home. His mother still lives in the Garden State; she’s 88. It seems Nacchio wanted the trial here so the family could conveniently come and watch the action every day. The judge said no. No word if the defendant was hoping popcorn, sodas, and Junior Mints could have been sold in the courthouse lobby.

College material...

Kudos to that judge, and to an appeals court in Trenton. It seems a student at Richard Stockton College, in 1999, was living in a dorm room that featured a loft bed six feet off the ground. One night, Donald Mathews fell out of his loft bed. Mathews and his attorneys sued, saying there should have been a warning tag on the loft bed, explaining it’s possible for a sleeper to drop six feet to the floor below. He was awarded in his first lawsuit, read this slowly to get the full impact, $179,000! The appeals panel overturned the award, saying a twenty one year old college student should have an idea that a bed six feet off the ground might cause a problem. Of course, it’s not over, Mathews is taking it to the state Supreme Court. Seems to me if he didn’t know a loft bed could cause that scenario, it’s a good thing he attended college – he needed more of an education.

This month’s Fun With E-Mail

Was sent by, coincidentally, prominent attorney Tom Vesper, about, coincidentally, common sense. Or the lack of it these days...

A LITTLE PERSPECTIVE

Pythagorean theorem: 24 words;

The Lord's Prayer: 66 words;

Archimedes' Principle: 67 words;

The 10 Commandments: 179 words;

The Gettysburg Address: 286 words;

The Declaration of Independence: 1,300 words;

U.S. Government regulations on the sale of cabbage: 26,911 words.