STROLLING DOWN THE BOARDWALK...

October 2006

Thinking about breakfast. How come if we eat "pigs in a blanket" we have sausage inside of pancakes? But, we don’t call sausage "pigs" without the pancakes. And we don’t call pancakes "blankets" without the sausage. And why isn’t bacon called pigs? And why were police called pigs back in the 60's? And was it better or worse to call them "fuzz"? And how did fuzz catch on as a negative term for police? So many questions, so little time.

Rude Bikers Bug me...

I’m not one of those people who bitch and moan about tourists during the summer, or the increased traffic on the roads. But I do have complaints about traffic on the roads. At least, bike traffic.

Oh I think it’s nice when people get out on their bicycles and enjoy the fresh air. But there are a few things that I noticed this summer that really concern me. First, the number of bike riders who just zip through red lights, not even slowing down to take a look to see if some car or truck might be coming through the intersection. And of course, it’s not just one red light, it’s the entire series along a street. We’ve had an awful amount of horrific accidents on the roadways in South Jersey lately. I’m surprised there aren’t more of these. Second, the number of people who ride at night, or early morning before sunrise, who don’t wear light or reflective clothes. I drive to work before the sun comes up, and I’m amazed at the times when all I see are the tiny reflectors of pedals spinning ahead. And thirdly, here’s a new trend that we better hope doesn’t continue – bike riders talking on cell phones. I saw this twice this summer, and again, was amazed. Let’s see, it’s not good to be distracted while driving a car by talking into a cell phone. How good would it be for a bike rider to be distracted by talking into a cell phone if he or she goes headfirst into the front end of an 18 wheeler? Come on people, a little common sense – please!

Are we too connected?

And speaking of roads and traffic, here’s a new problem that’s getting gradual attention around the country – accidents by people driving while reading or typing text messages. Just how did our ancient ancestors of 20 years ago manage to exist without having to be in constant communication with each other 24/7? Remember when people went for drives, or walks, or bike rides, to actually get away from others for some peace and quiet time?

consideration garbage guys...?

Please allow a personal vent from me about another incident on the road recently. I was driving in Ventnor, on Monmouth Avenue, which is a one way street, where people park on both sides. I happened upon a garbage truck, making its rounds. This happened to me once in Philadelphia, on a small street with room for cars to park on only one side. There is no more helpless feeling.

You cannot drive around, you cannot back up, you simply have to wait as the garbage truck inches down, stop after stop, to get beyond the next intersection. So in Ventnor, the truck was halted dead center of the street. There was a car or two parked on the right towards the back of the truck, and a car or two on the left at the front of the truck. If he had stopped 10 feet back, or 10 forward, I could have gone around.

Certainly, if he pulled over instead of stopping dead center, that would have been fine. It also would have been fine if the pick-up from the particular house would have been a Hefty bag or two.

Not this time. The owners of the house weren’t throwing away trash from inside their house. They were throwing away trash that was their house! Paneling, doorways, doors themselves, windows, carpets, sofas. On and on, with each going into the back of the truck, separately, as the cruncher could only hold so much that size each time. I had position one behind the munching truck. I also had concerns some giant chuck of wood or glass would come flying out of the munch right into my windshield. I don’t know how far back the line went while we all waited, and waited, and waited, but did see one car take off by turning the wrong way down a one-way street. I’m not dissing garbage men. I suppose when I was a kid there were times I thought it would be fun to be one. But again, common sense. Pull up the 10 feet or pull over to one side. We all finally got past when the next stop was for one simple Hefty bag. At that point, he pulled the truck to the right along the curb. Thanks.

Hamlet & Zulima Saga continues...

The saga of Hamlet and Zulima continues.

Briefly for those who haven’t followed the tale, Hamlet Goore was stopped by police in Fariview, New Jersey, on Memorial Day weekend, for having an expired registration on his vehicle. While a tow truck was called, and two tickets were written, Hamlet called his girlfriend, Zulima Farber, the Attorney General at the time, who rushed to the scene. Suddenly the tickets were not issued, and the tow truck was canceled. What superpowers did Zulima possess? She was the state attorney general.

While she claimed she did nothing to influence the officers, obviously her presence did. So she resigned in August, amid much criticism over the incident. Now you would think even a former attorney general would have great respect for the law. Despite the numerous speeding tickets and no-shows in court prior to her appointment. Hamlet was to appear in court September 29th, for a ticket issued at some other point of driving with a suspended license. Farber was subpoenaed in the case, which was in Bergen County. Neither Hamlet nor Zulima bothered to show up. The judge was quoted as saying, "I don’t believe it." Oh, Goore’s attorney said there was a good reason for them not appearing. They were in Mexico.

How romantic.

More Fun with E-mail...

Another edition of Fun With E-Mail – jokes and wisdom that somehow get passed around e-mailboxes hither and yon...

A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Unknown to her, her 9-year-old son was hiding in the closet.

Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet.

The boy now has company.

Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball."
Man: "That' s nice."
Boy: "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My dad's outside."
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "$250."

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are again in the closet together.

Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball glove."
Man: "How much?"
Boy: "$750."
Man: "Fine."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your ball and glove."

The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."
The father asks: "How much did you sell them
for?"
The son says, "$1,000."
The father says, "That's terrible to over-charge your friends like that.
That is way more than those
two things cost.
I'm going to take you to
church and make you confess."

They go to church and the father alerts the priest, and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't
start that again!"