Everything Old is New Again...

January 2007

Happy New Year.

The phrase is filled with such promise, such hope. Our annual present from the gods to start fresh, with a blank slate. We can make of this year what we choose; the options are limitless. Yet, most of us make annual resolutions which are hardly new. Every year, we set ourselves up with the same old promises to do better, look better, be better, and every year, we set ourselves up for the same old failures. By the third week in, the New Year feels anything but new, and the winter blahs have us firmly in their grip. Another year of the same old, same old.

Well, not this year. This year I will be making but one resolution, which will firmly embrace the new and banish the old. This year, everything old will be transformed, because this year, I will be adopting a new attitude.

The way I see it, with some attitude adjustment, even the most burdensome of resolutions has the potential to morph into something exciting, interesting, or at the very least, doable. So here follows my attitude adjusted New Ye a r’s resolution list for 2007. Old Resolution: I will lose at least five pounds and keep it off.

Attitude Adjusted Resolution: Get real. I’ve been trying to lose the same five pounds for the last fifteen years and it’s not going anywhere. Instead, I resolve to gain no more than five pounds this year. That should provide a nice buffer which will allow me to occasionally indulge in South Jersey’s finest sweets and treats without feeling like I should dress in a hair shirt and hang my head in shame afterwards. The fact that I am on a first name basis with the staff at the local Cold Stone Creamery will be a badge of honor, a testament to my friendly nature.

Old Resolution: I will exercise vigorously for at least one half hour daily.

Attitude Adjusted Resolution: Again, get real. With a basement full of workout tapes, weights, exercise balls and other medieval torture devices laying around collecting dust, it’s time I put this one to rest as well. Instead, I will calculate any and all bodily movement as a form of exercise. This will include wandering around the house aimlessly in search of the portable phone as well as trips from the couch to the refrigerator during television commercials. If, at any time, I am overcome by a desire for genuine, sweat-inducing exercise (not likely), I will take a nap. That should stifle the impulse.

Old Resolution: I will be a better, kinder, more thoughtful, blah, blah, blah person.

Attitude Adjusted Resolution: Ha! Since, scientifically speaking, personality is formed by age three or something, there’s basically no chance that I’m going to change my sunny persona. (My apologies to all those who know me and have been keeping their fingers crossed.) Instead, I will accept me for who I am, humbly acknowledging my flaws and, um…idiosyncrasies. I will, however, try to tame the savage beast by carrying chocolate on my person at all times, in an attempt to short circuit any meltdowns with a temporary chocolate induced happy haze. (Ladies, if you find yourself on the verge of cracking and happen to spot me, I’ll be glad to share.) Old Resolution: I will scrupulously stick to my New Year’s resolutions.

Attitude Adjusted Resolution: Who am I kidding? Despite attempts at attitude adjustment, any resolution has the potential to inflict guilt.

New (and final) Resolution: I will never again make a New Year’s resolution. Wow. A little tinkering, and 2007 is looking good already.