A word about Advertising...

March 2007

Advertising.

Not a pretty word for most of you.

And with good reason. The vast majority of spots you see, or hear, are badly conceived, poorly executed and well, just plain dumb.

I feel validated and qualified to render these criticisms, having worked in the media industry for in excess of two decades.

I’ve peddled newspaper space, proposed ad agency services, hawked radio time, and even sold a little for this magazine. It’s hard, cold, unrewarding, stress-filled work, and I immensely admire most of those who can continue to do so on a day-to-day basis.

However, that doesn’t mean I’m enamored, or even impressed, by much I see offered these days for public consumption.

What people outside the ad biz don’t understand is that so much time and energy is exhausted in running down leads, selling and making deals, that the creative end of the enterprise often becomes, at best, an afterthought.

The absolute worst offender in this regard, both in terms of sheer volume of adverts produced, and total lack of judgment, are the Geico car insurance folks.

First of all, consider this: a well-placed source of mine - actually a close relative who is an insurance industry executive - tells me that no insurance company really wants to provide auto policies in this state. The New Jersey Insurance Commission wisely forces them to, in order to earn the ability to offer more profitable lines, like life insurance.

But back to Geico. Does anybody out there actually enjoy their insipid, relentless blitz of lizard and caveman-themed adverts? As for myself, I cringe every time I see one, almost feeling embarrassed for them.

Pardon the obvious comparison, but it’s like being in a car with a terrible driver who is lost, and refuses to admit so, continuing in the wrong direction mile after grinding mile.

And they are everywhere.

Yesterday I could hardly believe it when confronted by Geico’s slick hucksters pitch over the PA system in my local supermarket at 8 in the AM!

Now another bright idea, if they have such a huge promotional budget, and yet still claim to save you so much money that you’d have to be a total idiot not to use them, just how profitable must their business really be? (Excepting the state of New Jersey, of course.)

Worse yet, now they’ve spawned a wave of copycat, bare-bones providers like Safe Auto, whose inflammatory, inaccurate commercials labeling driving without insurance “a crime,” are even more insidious, just not as widespread.

As for our second-worst national ad competitor, we submit the Capital One credit card series featuring marauding Vikings as a metaphor for high interest rates.

Nearly as horrible as the Geico propaganda, this sadly passes as highconcept material for those of marginal intellect.

So you don’t think me a total curmudgeon, I will share with you an ad campaign that I find brilliant and funny.

That would be the Bud Light radio spots for “Real Men of Genius” and “Real American Heroes.” You know you’ve heard them, and for me, that’s part of the appeal.

The ad agency responsible for these witty little pieces had the good sense to not expand them into television, where the appeal might be diminished. My favorite honors “Mr. Taco Salad Inventor” and includes the uproarious lines:

“Guacamole, ground beef, shredded cheese and sour cream. You ask, ‘Is it healthy’ and we answer ‘It’s a salad, isn’t it?’” Simply hilarious.

Other highlights in this series have included shout outs to the inventor of the backyard bug zapper device, and special recognition for those who wear too much sun block at the beach or participate in half court basketball shooting contests and perform poorly.

Every one we’ve ever heard is well written, hilariously produced (especially the backing vocal accompaniments) and timed for maximum seasonal impact.

The Garden Room impresses...

A recent family gathering in Vineland exposed us to a surprisingly upscale new restaurant, The Garden Room, located at the intersection of Lincoln and Landis Avenues.

The facility is unimposing from the exterior, nestled into a concrete gray strip mall building. Once within, the first thing one notices is a detailed photographic exhibit of how the restaurant itself was designed and built, from scratch, by the owners.

A polished brick walkway leads into a pair of rooms, one a main dining area surrounding a grand piano, the other a smaller space utilized more for private events.

Such was the case with our visit, and the staff, despite this being an early, frigid afternoon handled us, for the most part, quite well.

Food was the real eye-opener here, not the standard blasé banquet fare of my most darkly dreaded expectations. For example, salads obviously created that morning, included pine and pumpkin seeds, marinated mushrooms and were topped by fresh-from-thefryer- crisp sweet potato chips.

Three of the five entrée courses I sampled were similarly exciting. Mine, a pair of large crab cakes, were chockablock with unbroken diamonds of jumbo lump meat. These appeared baked, not griddle-seared Marylandstyle, which is our preference. They were however cooked throughout and contained just the right ratio of vegetative and structural elements.

My son’s steak, sold as a 6-ounce portion, was nearly double that, a dinner portion that shocked his food critic father with both its juicy marbled quality and hefty size.

Another diner’s manicotti were a trio of precious, crepe tubes, exploding with a sweet ricotta filling and finished with a rosa sauce studded with more of that jumbo lump crab.

Service on this wintry afternoon was friendly, but inexperienced.

Some of the simple niceties of banquet convention - crackers, toothpicks, and plates for a cheese tray, proper bar setup and attentiveness throughout the meal - need to be improved.

Either way, we were pleasantly shocked that Vineland is supporting this new BYOB, located on the affluent eastern edge of town.

Perusing their regular dinner menu, we saw several intriguing entrees, most notably a sweet potato gnocchi with scallops, that will warrant a return, evening dinner visit. We are also told that the success of The Garden Room’s initial year has emboldened its owners to take possession of a second retail unit in the complex. Here they plan to open a seafood market, which should fare very well in this area, and provide the restaurant itself with more control of their own fish and related products.

Sagacious, horizontal expansion from a restaurant with a tremendous future.

Frank Gabriel may be reached at Thaibasil@AOL.com